Thursday, April 29, 2010

"It's the Law"

Here's my riff on a Mad-lib dedicated to Arizona's wrong-headed legislature's and governor's new anti-illegal immigrant law. Most of you won't ever be subjected to this, for a variety of reasons ranging from where you live to what your ethnicity is, so I wanted to share the upcoming Arizona experience with you. Of course, those of you who are Anglo, speak with a typical American accent, or aren't too ethnic looking probably won't even get to experience it in Arizona. More's the pity.

"It's the Law"

Set up: A police officer, sheriff, constable, or other law enforcer in Arizona has just stopped you.

"___________ (insert Lady, Sir, Kid, Wetback, N****r or any other appropriate name or title here). Do you know you were ______________ (insert speeding, double parking, spitting, jaywalking, or another minor violation of the law here). I'll need to see proof of your American citizenship.

"What, you don't have proof of citizenship on you? You are not carrying a ____________ (insert only certified copy of your birth certificate, passport, naturalization papers, or certificate of citizenship here) with you to the __________ (insert grocery store, gas station, Wal-Mart, church, gym, or whatever is appropriate here)?

"Well, then, you'll just have to come along with me to the police station. You can use your one phone call to get someone to bring it to you.

"What, you don't have a copy of the document at home either? I guess you got a problem.

"I don't give a ___________ (insert red rat's ass, shit, flip, f**k or other favorite expletive here) if you lost all your belongings in a ______________ (insert fire, hurricane, flood, robbery or whatever disaster is appropriate here). You need proof of citizenship. It's the law.

"Save your sob story for the judge. I'm just doing my job."

Did you know that Arizona's state motto is Didat Deus, or "God Enriches"? It seems God is going to get a little boost from fines the new law levies against illegal aliens - or ill-documented Americans. Don't forget to bring your passport, certified birth certificate, or naturalization papers with you when you travel to or through Arizona. (Hmmm, maybe this new law is really a ploy by the birthers to force Obama to bring his birth certificate with him when he goes to Arizona.)



Rachel Y. said...

Some of those people in Arizona had better hope they don't get too deep a tan at the pool/beach. Who carries ID in her bikini?

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